Never waits but takes it’s time and yells silently sublime jumps high but crawls low sprints fast but can go slow and and keeps things up still knows when to stop and I know you know what I’m talking about because you should and its pretty but when has she tried to be sure hasn’t for me and it’s not like she’ll change for ever or for never or for sky or for life but that wasn’t who I was describing the one I was describing is a myth so I don’t know what’s being searched for when legends can’t be found so instead I sleep and instead I sing and my song is my signpost of discord it is red and sometimes not red because if it was always red it would not be chaotic so instead it is all colors and it shows them all at once but each only when convenient and I think that sounds familiar now but if it doesn’t picture the sun if you haven’t seen it before don’t look at it just imagine (because it’s not like you have seen it it’s a legend) and use that to continue behind the sun is only space and in the space dust and between the dust more space but if you keep going you can find seas and ice and water and it’s no different there than it is here and I really mean that it’s no different it’s got to be exactly the same I bet someone wrote this same letter but maybe not in English maybe it’s in something else like singing because even there you won’t find what can never be found but I’m not trying to convince you to give up I’m trying to explain that imagination is key and that the image of a perfect polypolar this everything that is never all at once is impossible so instead searching for a nearly or a mostly or an all but only one is feasible and just as easy to imagine.

Happy to
see happy to
know that it’s all a lie
I want to emphasis that
Upper hand
had not so
bad
Happenstance
happens and it had no
precedence

It’s not that I’m dying
now and it’s not that I am stuck lying
down. But even so something in me has
torn. I need a
remedy. A lantern lit boat pushed out to
sea. On a scrap of paper inside is
her name. It’s not that I would wish her
dead and I swear on my
soul I don’t. But when February comes I wish I
could be on that death boat. It started thirteen
years ago and it lasted till
last week. I have no one but myself to
blame for being far too meek. Even so I curse
the world. I grit and bear my
teeth. I dip my finger in the
pool it swirls I’ve been a
fool. The blood mixes in like oil
paints. It fades but is not
faint. I’m stuck and
cold this February. I reach for red
berries. My only drink is melted
snow. Drop the black curtain but
do it slow. Let me go hit the
light. You and I must surely know this show must end
tonight.

Sometimes blue and sometimes red
Sometimes rushed and sometimes slow
Sometimes mad; always mellow
Never end new way ahead

You came and sang your songs to me
Asked me how they sounded
You wanted to feel validated
So why did you come to me?

I was just sitting alone trying to count the stones in the pavement
Picking at my wooden bench
I said they sounded good
Great
You shook your head
A pause as you hesitated
Then said you disagreed
Why did you come to me?
I tried again to say I enjoyed your song
That your voice was clear and the words were novel
I got you to agree

You said “good day”
I said “goodbye”
Why did you come to me?

Olive tree why do you take so long to give me your blessing
I need the fruit of the labor even it I took a shortcut
You ask for too much from me
But I ask for too much from the tree
Even if it’s to fulfill you
I still can’t make it grow faster
I see straight through this like alabaster
Thin alabaster
You can see through alabaster
Don’t tell me you can’t
Stop talking about this
All you’re doing is making me go offtrack
It’s not going to distract from the fact that you have yet to react to the prior question
You know what one
The one I asked the tree
I did ask it
Don’t ask me what it was
Alabaster you’re like alabaster too
So why do you eldue me
It’s that tree
I can’t make it grown any faster
That olive tree doesn’t bear fruit anyway
It bears olives

Author’s Note: Virtually meaningless.

I will fall and you will fall and you will climb and I will climb
I will see and you will see and this will be just watch and see
I need to climb another mountain
Cus the time slows
It walks on you
The ground slips the earth it falls down
Cannot climb here
Your Footing lost
You grasp the ledge ‘fore it breaks off
Still you keep reaching
Fall down again

It’s already up in flame and I’m still sitting still and watching and I’m not going to move a muscle because there’s no point in trying to put out an apocalypse that’s been feeding on logs of determination and tinder of fear and a land of lies when I’m already through and I’ve already seen the past and that’s all I need to know how the future concludes I’ve watched it all hit the floor seen em’ fall one by one until they were no more and it’s not changing anytime soon no it’s going to be this way long before and after doom has found its way into the soul of the world and the core of the situation and each and every one of us is past due because the world can’t stay like this forever and this kind of fire cannot just burn it will consume it will destroy it will combust and conflagrate and all of the other “C” words for fiery things because there is no fire without a sea because water is a lack of fire no lies without truth and no light without dark that whole deal and let me tell you it’s much better this way because as it all keeps burning (and it’s never going to stop) the only thing left will be the sea until it too burns it won’t be in fire but it will burn and it will be destroyed just like the rest and just like all of us because our world is not a burning bush and our world is not fire retardant and it can only stay for so long and I’m not talking about the environment and I’m not talking about global war I’m talking about us and I’m talking about what we used to be and I’m talking about the future and I’m saying that I’ve seen the past and that I know it won’t repeat itself but it will carry on and it’s not going to change course and that the only way I can be free is to watch it all burn because if I do that I can finally have peace and I can finally exist and I will be in control in this spiraling torrent of chaotic past future present that we call living and I’ll make it to the end and along the way I’ll be something and I’ll do something and I’ll be immortal and it won’t be because of the past it will be because of what happens as we burn.

Author’s Note: I haven’t lost it, just writing some stream of consciousness today. Maybe I’m still in 2012 Mayan apocalypse mode.This one has a lot of meaning despite the insane tone.